Thoughts That Kept Me Out of the Really Good Schools

Have you ever found yourself trying so hard to solve a problem, you end up getting in your own way? In a way it's kind of one of those "Road to hell is paved with good intentions" situations. Most of us realize that sometimes it's necessary to take a step back--or even walk away--and not focus on it for a while...like studying so hard for a test you become counter-productive, or scrubbing so hard to remove a stain your entire hand goes numb and starts bleeding and you don't even realize it. I've been in one of those situations, and honestly, it probably would've gotten easier by now if I could just step back and breathe for a minute. However, we've all got our flaws.

I love music, I love people, and I love words. The last two explain why the main thing I write about is people. I don't write about their great achievements or their horrible failures; I ind myself ranting on occasion, but that's just because I'm human. I write about whatever sticks with me...the way a person is, the crazy energy they have about them, how welcoming and hospitable they are, how they love what they do...anything. As for music, most of the time that's the glue that sticks someone to my memory. It may just be that we talked about a particular musician, or that they write music, or I was with them when I saw a concert, or we sang a song together...again, anything.

And once in awhile, all those things fall into place and end up doing something completely awe-inspiring: those words find their way to someone and affect them in a positive way. Sometimes it's a simple as bringing back a childhood memory; other times, it's something as profound as actually moving someone--which isn't as grandiose as it sounds. Moving someone can be as easy as making them feel better. And when that happens based on just being who you are and doing what you do...it's pretty damn nifty.

To top all that off, when you've been busting your ass on one particular problem and aren't making any headway, and in addition are tired, frustrated, pissed off, drained, and would really just like to throw your hands up, say the hell with this, and give up...and this other thing comes along, shifts your focus for a little while, and ends up having that result...

Well by damn, it's just magical. Not to mention much needed and most appreciated.

I've never been good at hiding my state of mind from the people who are closest to me. My Dear Ones know me better than I know myself at times; there have been occasions that I didn't even realize something was wrong until a friend asked if I was okay. Conversely, I almost always sense when a friend is in an atypical mood--whether they're in pain, lonely, frustrated, angry, and all other manner of not-so-great places to be.

I'm a loyal and sympathetic friend, and as such not only am I going to inquire as to what might be affecting someone I care about, but I'm also going to offer whatever support I can and take whatever action is necessary to comfort them. There are times when my Dear Ones--much like me--just need time to themselves to sort out all the ruckus in their souls, and at times like that I just let them know that should they need me, I'll be there. Other times--again, much like me--they don't want to be left alone with the turmoil, but they don't want to burden someone else with their problems. Rationally, we all know that's what friends do for each other. However, rationality and emotions are as logical a combination as toothpaste and orange juice.

Much like an addict won't accept treatment until they are ready to confront their addiction, a person in pain is not receptive to support until they're ready to accept it. Sometimes they just need a gentle push and a little reassurance. Other times even the most delicate of nudges will cause them to become defensive and turn them into a brick wall. So how does one tell which action is appropriate?

It seems rather audacious to tell someone they're not happy. After all, I'm still getting to know myself--and will continue to do so, as it is a lifelong process. If I don't even know myself at times, what on earth gives me such an intense insight into someone else? Still, it's entirely possible to be blue--even despondent--and either not realize it or to be in denial about it. I lived that way for months...perhaps longer. I understand how difficult it can be to admit that you're unhappy, especially when there's nothing going on in your life to be particularly troubled about. However, when someone you love has a noticeable change in demeanor, personality, becomes distant, and looks like they haven't slept in weeks, what other conclusion can be drawn?

So how does one go about approaching a friend who is obviously afflicted but is either unaware of it or unwilling to admit it? The concern is not over risking the friendship; if expressing genuine concern and love for a person brings about anger and ultimately leads to the end of that friendship, then it really wasn't much of a friendship anyway. By the same token, if that genuine concern brings about accusations of self-serving motives, again, it isn't as solid a relationship as you may have previously thought.

At the end of the day, I want my Dear Ones to love themselves, to be whole within themselves, to know their infinite value as people, to believe in themselves, and above all else, to be who they are. When the people I love are in pain, it causes me pain and makes me feel utterly helpless--one of the top three things I most despise. I can only hope that each of them can see themselves as I see them--strong, intelligent, witty, amazing individuals who have enriched my life in more ways than I can ever describe, and for which I am and will always be immeasurably grateful.

Stepping in something wet with your socks on.
Having something crawling on your face and subsequently hitting yourself.
Mistaking slivered peanuts for slivered almonds on the salad bar and ruining your salad.
Slamming your finger in a window.
Falling up stairs.
Falling into the toilet at 3AM because someone has failed to put the seat down.
Anything involving pantyhose.

If you could enforce one rule of etiquette, what would it be?
Submitted by S@ngarang.

Walk on the right hand side of the hallway, stairwell, sidewalk, etc. and DO NOT crowd people! I had a Western Civilization professor who put that on his syllabus every semester and would quite literally collide with violators. I've had people brush shoulders with me in shopping malls when they had a good three feet of space to work with. Being something of an asshole, I'm inclined to blurt, "EXCUSE ME!" in a most dismayed manner.

That's what one might call it when the same shit starts going down all over again.

It's true enough that life is a cycle...but to have it illustrated...particularly in terms of an eerily similar past experience...well, that's just some shit of its own particular accord. Rationally you're well aware of the fact that no two situations are the same, yet the fact remains that certain situations tend to have similar outcomes.

What does one do in these situations? Is it appropriate to warn of approaching danger, and if so, in what manner should one go about it? Hope? Prayer? Shaking the endangered party by the shoulders? A combination of various methods?!

And to that end, why is it so easy to see when it's headed for someone else, yet so difficult to see when it's headed right at your own personal face?

Share a book that made you laugh.

Because I never can just pick one..

Good Omens

Neil and Terry Pratchett Gaiman

Skinny Legs and All

Tom Robbins

If you could pick between the superpowers of flight or invisibility, which would you choose?
Submitted by aynge.

Flight, hands down. Although there have been countless moments in my life when I've wished I could simply become invisible to escape embarrassing and awkward situations, overall I think I'd have access to entirely too much information that I really don't need if I had the power to become invisible. Sometimes you just don't want to know.

It's strange, though...I've always had vivid dreams, and when I was younger, I always was able to fly in them. Not Superman-type, arms-stretched-out flying...the action was much more like swimming underwater. I don't recall when exactly I lost the ability to fly in my dreams. Perhaps it's just something that happens with age...the whole motif of being "tied down" by the responsibilities that come with age presents quite a bit of irony with the loss of this ability.

So, from the title it's probably obvious...I found myself on a highway not far from the middle of nowhere at sunset driving home this evening. And I rolled down the windows, cranked some tunes and felt invincible. Normally, this time of year I'm inclined to listen to something mellow and acoustic when enjoying a drive...but today was one of those days that got seriously intense. An acoustic guitar and a heart-felt voice couldn't take on what I was feeling...so I opted for Nightwish.

Like most normal human beings, under general circumstances, I like being right. And like most normal human beings, I'm protective of my family--my family, of course, being the people that I love, blood or no blood. But there are times when I have to step back and realize that as much as I might want to, I can't protect them from everything, nor is it my place to try...which inevitably lead to times when I abandon all care of whether I am right or wrong, and do whatever is necessary to support my family in a time of need.

I have no problem admitting that I'll throw out an I told you so when it comes to matters of non-importance...for instance, once someone insisted that Aretha Franklin sang Lady Marmelade. I insisted she did not--because I knew that Labelle did. And when the time came that the facts came to light, I was ready with a laugh and a light-hearted I told you so. Nobody got hurt, nobody's life was changed, nobody had to deal with unpleasantness. Those are the I told you so's I don't have a problem with.

However, in times of a more serious nature, not only does it not occur to me to say I told you so...it occurs to me that I hate the fact that I was right. I hate that I saw something coming but was powerless to stop it--I hate that, even though (because I am painfully forthright) I voiced my concerns, a member of my family ends up having to deal with drama, bullshit, pain, annoyance, or any other manner of unpleasantness.

What kind of Mama Lion would I be if I abandoned my primary motivation--to love and support the people I care for--by taking pleasure in the fact that I was right? More often than not, though I don't like being wrong, I still wish that I was.

What question do you hate being asked?

It used to be, "When do you plan on having children?" Fortunately, now that I'm no longer married it is rarely asked. But it always made me fervently wish for the power to smite people with thunderbolts from the palms of my hands.

I can't think of one that irks me now. Perhaps that's due to the fact that I no longer answer questions I don't feel obligated to answer.

NUNYA! :)