2 posts tagged “pain”

I've never been good at hiding my state of mind from the people who are closest to me. My Dear Ones know me better than I know myself at times; there have been occasions that I didn't even realize something was wrong until a friend asked if I was okay. Conversely, I almost always sense when a friend is in an atypical mood--whether they're in pain, lonely, frustrated, angry, and all other manner of not-so-great places to be.

I'm a loyal and sympathetic friend, and as such not only am I going to inquire as to what might be affecting someone I care about, but I'm also going to offer whatever support I can and take whatever action is necessary to comfort them. There are times when my Dear Ones--much like me--just need time to themselves to sort out all the ruckus in their souls, and at times like that I just let them know that should they need me, I'll be there. Other times--again, much like me--they don't want to be left alone with the turmoil, but they don't want to burden someone else with their problems. Rationally, we all know that's what friends do for each other. However, rationality and emotions are as logical a combination as toothpaste and orange juice.

Much like an addict won't accept treatment until they are ready to confront their addiction, a person in pain is not receptive to support until they're ready to accept it. Sometimes they just need a gentle push and a little reassurance. Other times even the most delicate of nudges will cause them to become defensive and turn them into a brick wall. So how does one tell which action is appropriate?

It seems rather audacious to tell someone they're not happy. After all, I'm still getting to know myself--and will continue to do so, as it is a lifelong process. If I don't even know myself at times, what on earth gives me such an intense insight into someone else? Still, it's entirely possible to be blue--even despondent--and either not realize it or to be in denial about it. I lived that way for months...perhaps longer. I understand how difficult it can be to admit that you're unhappy, especially when there's nothing going on in your life to be particularly troubled about. However, when someone you love has a noticeable change in demeanor, personality, becomes distant, and looks like they haven't slept in weeks, what other conclusion can be drawn?

So how does one go about approaching a friend who is obviously afflicted but is either unaware of it or unwilling to admit it? The concern is not over risking the friendship; if expressing genuine concern and love for a person brings about anger and ultimately leads to the end of that friendship, then it really wasn't much of a friendship anyway. By the same token, if that genuine concern brings about accusations of self-serving motives, again, it isn't as solid a relationship as you may have previously thought.

At the end of the day, I want my Dear Ones to love themselves, to be whole within themselves, to know their infinite value as people, to believe in themselves, and above all else, to be who they are. When the people I love are in pain, it causes me pain and makes me feel utterly helpless--one of the top three things I most despise. I can only hope that each of them can see themselves as I see them--strong, intelligent, witty, amazing individuals who have enriched my life in more ways than I can ever describe, and for which I am and will always be immeasurably grateful.

Damn them to the furthest reaches of hell.

I blogged on MySpace about the downright torturous experience I had to deal with Monday in the ER with the migraine from the seventh circle of hell, and again I feel moved to make the following statement:

Doctors who don't listen should be injected with the very same ineffective drugs they inject into patients in pain.

Protocols have changed in this lovely new age of drug-seeking junkies. You say "demerol" because you know it's what will break your migraine and they look at you cross-eyed and think you're a junkie.

Actually, that's not entirely true, as some emergency rooms will no longer even administer demerol because of its widespread abuse. Meanwhile, people in real pain are made to sit and suffer, as well as endure the song and dance of doctors who don't listen.

You say, "Toradol won't break my migraine. It's been attempted numerous times."

What do they give you? Toradol. Thanks fuckwad. I could've gone to the after hours clinic and saved hundreds of dollars if that shit actually worked. Works like a charm for TMJ flare-ups, but not migraines.

Then they hem and haw and say they're going to order a new med. But wouldn't you know they're late for their uber-important lunch meeting and don't actually order the med until an hour later. And for anyone fortunate enough to not know this, one hour with a 9-on-the-pain-scale migraine is like 10 years.

I'm so pissed off. I was going to write a strongly worded letter but since I don't have a medical degree, it would just be shrugged off. Nevermind I've been dealing with this malady for over 15 years and I'd put my knowledge of symptoms, triggers, and treatments up against any medical professional you could throw at me.

Grr. I'm still worn out from my day in the ER. I'm starting to wonder if I should say to hell with literature and embark upon a medical career.